The title of this post may sound a little confusing. In general I think being logical is very important and necessary, but sometimes we can stand in our own way when we only try to focus on logic. Even worse: sometimes it can be really hurtful. Because especially when taking care of ourselves sometimes logic has no space. It may be logical to work overtime to get ahead quicker. It may be logical to force yourself to hang out with others. It may be logical to get rid of the apartment you are head over heels in love with, while you travel.

But especially when it comes to loving yourself and selfcare you sometimes have to make illogical decisions. It is indeed logical that I currently have no actual bed or even mattress in my room in Cologne, I am only here once in a blue moon. It is also logical not to bring decoration since I have very limited luggage space. It would be logical to stay in Cologne as much as possible to pick up lots of shifts and make more money. But do these decision make me feel better? No they don´t. They add to my restlessness and unease. Not having a real home makes me not only cranky, it actually makes me continuously feel out of touch with myself and stressed.
So I made the very illogical decision to spend almost two weeks at my boyfriend´s last week. I will go to see my mum in three days, because it is her birthday and even gave up a shift up for that. Hardly logical, but it is what makes me feel good. I am a little shaken at the moment, I don´t really feel at home in my room in Cologne (might be due to the lack of actual bed and decor but wadda ya know) and I miss my boyfriend a lot at the moment. So going there and spending time on his couch, instead of earning money, makes zero sense, but it makes me feel good. And sometimes that is what is most important. That you feel good. Not at the cost of others or the environment or what have you, but in general your number one priority should be that you feel good. That you are happy.
You will have a nagging voice inside of your head - and maybe even outside of your own head, because boy do people love to tell you your decisions are not logical - that will call you delusional and selfish and lazy for making illogical decisions sometimes. But sometimes it is crucial to be illogical. Only functioning and continuously going against your gut feeling can make you so sad and so much more stressed than you need. Why make your life even harder? What is in any way logical about being uncomfortable and depressed all the time?
At the end of the day logic is not a set category. It depends on your needs and wants and goals. And if your goal is to be happy and love yourself it can be crucial to go for the less logical path sometimes. It´s what makes life fun at the end of the day.

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Thanks so much for your lovely comments, constructive criticism and suggestions. I will try to answer all of you!